?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
25 March 2011 @ 04:04 am
[fic] confessions of a selfish man.  
confessions of a selfish man
community | jeff; jeff/annie
upto season two | pg-13 | 1600 | oneshot
basically, it’s long legs versus an annoying need to make the world a better place.


"You know, in five years you won't even remember me."
"William."
"I’m formed and you’re not and you still have changes to go through. You’ll change, then I’ll be Winnie the Pooh to your Christopher Robin.”
“No literary references left unturned. How do you figure Pooh?”
“Well, Christopher Robin outgrew Pooh. That’s how it ended. He had Pooh as a child and as he matured, he didn’t need him anymore”
“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
-  Beautiful Girls


The thing is; he’s always been attractive. (Even if he does say so himself).

He was that guy. The one whom all the girls got up and came to school for in the morning. And he only verbatim remembers that line from ‘Never Been Kissed’ because it was background noise during his make-out session with the Prom Queen, and has seeped into his subconscious. Obviously.

He would’ve been voted Prom King (his mother said so, and his mother was mostly right about him being awesome so she was probably right about everything else as well), but he was always too cool to attend something that was nothing more than a lame, over-glorified social-gathering of a bunch of morons with abnormally low IQ’s and their girlfriends’ bra sizes to match.

(He gate-crashed it later, but that was different. Gate-crashing is cool).



-



College was…well, college was. As in, over and done with. That’s the whole point, right? So what if he didn’t get that degree, he was too fucking busy and vice-versa, thank you very much.



-



“Do you love me, Jeff?”

“Of course I love you.”

Seriously, there are guys who have scruples about saying crap like this without ‘meaning’ it? Idiots. Every lawyer worth his salt knows that ignorance of the law is not a valid defence for any crime. And ‘guys will say anything to get a girl into bed’— that’s a law. The woman’s a lawyer. Anybody with time to spare and no life to speak of can do the math.



-



He gets disbarred. (He calls his mother and talks to her for an hour about the weather and doesn’t tell her. Maybe it’s because he’s deep and hurting and needs her. Or, you know, not.)



-



Community College is everything he expects it to be—goddamned awful. There are the motivational speeches on loudspeakers and people wandering about trying to make something of their lives and it’d be tragic if it wasn’t so hilarious.

He isn’t going to be ‘one of them’ and ‘a part of the community’ (stealing phrases from the Dean’s speech is easier than having to exert himself in being original). He’s Jeff fucking Winger and he’s going to sail through this and spend the rest of his life pretending that he’d lost his memory somewhere on a vacation in Hawaii and spent the next four years as the head of a tribal community. In which wearing clothes was considered a mark of disrespect for the Good Lord who, if He’d wanted us to wear clothes, would have made us with clothes.

He’s Jeff Winger, and this is what he does best. Bullshit.



-



He can’t decide exactly where Britta Perry falls on the hot/crazy scale (he came up with that before Barney Stinson was conceived of, and he means the character and not the actor, because Jesus, he’s not that old).

She thinks Gitmo (and the fact that she uses the military pet name for Guantanamo Bay obviously puts the crazy somewhere high on the x-axis) is her own personal business, but then she also has blonde hair that doesn’t come from a bottle (and he knows that, because he’s a connoisseur in women. The only reason he didn’t graduate was because they didn’t have the right classes. He would’ve been a willing student in ‘Understanding Women 101’.

Fuck that, he could’ve been a teacher in ‘Understanding Women 101’, and he’d have made more money than all those law firms that rejected his degree, combined). Basically, it’s long legs versus an annoying need to ‘make the world a better place’.

The legs win. The legs always win, his father had told him. (Okay, so not technically, but he’s pretty sure that if his father wasn’t a bastard, who’d impregnated his mother and then left her, he’d would have gotten around to telling him that eventually).



-



And then there’s Abed, and Troy, and Pierce, and Shirley and Britta and Annie and…well, him, and his life is suddenly Brady Bunch: The Incestuous, Dysfunctional Version and it sucks.

Caring sucks. Not that he does. Care, that is. Because he does. N’t. Doesn’t. Did you somehow miss the part where he's Jeff Winger?



-



So, Annie Edison.

There are two things he notices immediately; she has bigger breasts than Britta and her crazy, underneath that girl-next-door thing, is off-the-charts.

And she’s eighteen.

And he’s a hell lot of things but he’s not a pedophile so he’s pretty sure those two facts cancel each other out, and Annie Edison is therefore, just someone who exists peripherally in that master-plan of getting into Britta’s pants.

(He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t feel the slightest regret about her being out of the range of ‘fair play’, though, because seriously, girls who did not get hot until after high school are such a special breed of desperate that it’s almost a crime not to exploit the situation.)

He doesn’t though. He doesn’t believe in morality and ethics (or any difference between the two, whatever his sociology teacher might have said), but her eyes are too wide, so he doesn’t.



-



And she’s opening her hair and he thinks something stupid like— maybe Troy should see her now. Which is obviously the right thing to think, because anybody with slight sensory perception can see that she thinks she’s in love with him, and he remembers her as that girl in high school whom he doesn’t remember. And then he thinks he wants to lay her across that table and… and god, he’s turned on by an eighteen year old, he needs a therapist.

And then later when she kisses him, with too much force and all the bruising excitement of a teenager, intent on the point she’s making, he thinks…well, he doesn’t think.



-



She pretends like it doesn’t happen and he could tell her that he can still see it in the way her eyes shift slightly to the left when she talks to him and the way she doesn’t touch him in that Annie way that she touches everybody, but then he’ll have to admit he’s spending his time noticing stupid things like that, and he refuses to admit that because it isn’t there to admit in the first place, and that’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

(He found out at an early age that if he talked about it long enough, he could convince anybody of anything, even himself. It’s a handy skill).



-



He sleeps with Britta on the table that has marked every one of their sexually tense stare-downs, and there’s a lot of paint, even if his brain isn’t functioning enough for him to remember where it’s coming from, and there’s just the sound of skin against skin and those little sounds she makes when he does that. He marks it down for future reference. The world doesn’t explode.

Good thing he’s lived long enough to not expect it to.

(Annie probably still expects it to, even after the whole fiasco with the gay guy, because she’s the romance novel optimist. He’s not actually thinking about Annie, he’s thinking about the world exploding and human thought doesn’t have linear movement or causal connection so basically the point is…fuck it, there’s no point).



-



There’s this one moment he lets himself go and kisses her, hard, and forgets she’s that same girl who ties her hair in high ponytails and thinks that love makes the world go round, but she was going away, okay, and now she isn’t and she’s chosen h…them over that small-nippled, song-writing jerk, and it’s so—

He ignores her throughout summer.



-



The important thing to note here is that he’s not jealous. He has never in his life been jealous, because everything that belongs to him automatically gravitates towards him (and so he called women ‘things’, whatever, feminists to the left please) and the rest— he doesn’t want ownership rights over them anyway, occasional test drives, but even then they’re obviously getting more out of it than him. So, therefore, he is not jealous of Vaughn or Rich or whoever it is she thinks she’s in love with now.

(Also, Rich is older than him; obviously somebody forgot their creep-detector in middle of the lake).

The thing is; he isn’t jealous, it just…irritates him. It isn’t the centre of his universe obviously, just that maddening music from the other side of the wall which isn’t loud enough to appreciate nor soft enough to ignore and all it is, is just really, fucking annoying in the way that makes him want to punch somebody’s face in (he’s pretty sure he lost the metaphor somewhere along the way, but Rich being punched is just as good an ending).



-



He’s running and there’s so much rain and he’s going to get there and there’s that ‘love of a beautiful woman’ speech running through his head…and she’s nineteen. As, in barely legal. And five years later she’s going to grow up and realize that he isn’t the only man in the world who looks like that and talks like so, and five years later he’s still going to be that guy who falls for her tears and Disney faces and it really, really sucks.

He stops.

(He changes directions halfway through and ends somewhere else because, well, he’s Jeff Winger and this is what he’s always been best at. Bullshit).
 
 
Current Mood: impressedimpressed
 
 
 
Marina: cutesy jeffmoeexyz on March 24th, 2011 11:33 pm (UTC)
This is all kinds of amazing.
You've got Jeff down perfectly. I could hear him thinking all of this. I love the explanation you gave for why he went to Rich's! It just made me want to give him a big hug by the end.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 25th, 2011 03:56 am (UTC)
Thank you so much :) It came out oddly, much more bipolar than I had intended, so I'm glad you thought it was in-character!
redbrunja: community | disney faceredbrunja on March 24th, 2011 11:55 pm (UTC)
This is kind of dark but I really, really liked it. I could easily see a future where Annie moves past Jeff (mainly because he never gave her a reason not to) and but she sticks in his mind.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 25th, 2011 04:01 am (UTC)
Thanks a lot! I didn't really mean for it to be 'dark' (that's the right word for it, I suppose, I was thinking more of 'insane', haha) but Jeff and his issues sort of made it that way :)
shopgirl909shopgirl909 on March 25th, 2011 12:43 am (UTC)
Interesting.

But, to be fair, Natalie Portman was like 13 in beautiful girls, to William's 28. He really would be on one of those webpages and Jeff wouldn't.

Still though, depressingly interesting.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 25th, 2011 04:04 am (UTC)
That's absolutely true, I just added in that bit from Beautiful Girls because I wanted to add it in, no plot connection (no plot at all) otherwise :D Oh man, I seem to have depressed everyone, I was just in a bad mood and didn't realize it'd reflect so clearly!
Jennyavaritia_90 on March 25th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
Well damn. This was all sorts of beautiful.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 25th, 2011 04:08 am (UTC)
I love how used 'beautiful' for 'depressing', haha. Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it :)
wallows: joel&louwallows on March 25th, 2011 09:02 am (UTC)
This is soooooooo good. This is such a perfect companion piece to the Annie one, and I love how Jeff the cynic ends up being the more romantic one. They really should be read side by side, and I'm glad you put this soon after that one.

I love the part about Britta, the gitmo and blonde not from a bottle, and the one about Annie which is so spot on she has bigger breasts than Britta and her crazy, underneath that girl-next-door thing, is off-the-charts.
girls who did not get hot until after high school are such a special breed of desperate that it’s almost a crime not to exploit the situation. so funny.
There’s this one moment he lets himself go and kisses her, hard, and forgets she’s that same girl who ties her hair in high ponytails and thinks that love makes the world go round, but she was going away, okay, and now she isn’t and she’s chosen h…them Oh this is my favorite, even the one about ignoring her all summer because Jeff is such a child.

I love the Beautiful Girls rejoinder; it's been awhile since I saw that, and it just fits in this narrative, so sweet and sad and coming of age and romantic in its own way.

Is it weird that I did not find this depressing? I honestly thought it was quite romantic (I used this a lot). And I love this Jeff. It's possible Annie won't look up to him as much after 5 years, which is a good thing, but I doubt she'd ever forget him.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 26th, 2011 03:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! I did have the idea of making this a sort-of companion fic with the same events and stuff to show how everybody just lives each scene in their mind and they actually have no idea what the others are thinking, but it was 4 a.m. and I just couldn't handle having to follow any sort of structure, lol, I just sort of wrote and tried not to think at all :) I agree on Jeff being such a child! I think Annie, who's treated as the baby of the group, really has some of her most poignant scenes with Jeff because he's even more of a child so she comes off and mature by comparison, which I think is a wonderful start to their almost-sort-of-relationship.
Oh, I'm really glad you didn't find it depressing! That actually wasn't my intention at all, I just meant to do a character-sketch because Jeff is so insecure and hides it so well, he's really fun to explore (I wrote this before the last episode, but I thought they brilliantly brought out that side of him).
(no subject) - wallows on March 26th, 2011 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on March 27th, 2011 06:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on March 25th, 2011 11:01 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this, I think Jeff was very in-character and I could imagine him thinking exactly like he does here! I really liked how this was in third-person but it could've almost been a first because Jeff's thoughts were presented straight. Thanks for sharing :)
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 26th, 2011 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much :) Haha, a third-person-first-person account is the best description I've heard and I do try to make it very, very limited to the character and try not to describe too much of the exteriority, so I'm glad you liked that!
fangirl_101: J/A tentfangirl_101 on March 25th, 2011 06:23 pm (UTC)
This is equal parts sad and beautiful. But 100% amazing. Sometimes you just feel like reading a sad story--no harm in that!
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 26th, 2011 03:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks a lot :) I find it very hard to get non-canon ships together in fic because I keep feeling like they'd need a lot of development to get there. Which is why it comes out all indeterminate and unfulfilled and sad, I suppose!
Julieta Colás: Joel McHaleengelen on March 25th, 2011 09:04 pm (UTC)
he was too fucking busy and vice-versa
Yes, and thank you.
Loved that sentence :P

Thank you for writing the fic that made me go to bed until 3:00 am when I knew I was supposed to wake up at 6
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 26th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)
Haha, thank you so much! If its any consolation, I wrote this at 4:00 am and finished posting by like 5:00, when I was supposed to be up at 7 for college, so.
:D
(no subject) - engelen on March 26th, 2011 05:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Carly_carly_ on March 26th, 2011 07:08 am (UTC)
... just that maddening music from the other side of the wall which isn’t loud enough to appreciate nor soft enough to ignore...

I love this description.

Very sobering insights into Jeff there that made sad for him but kind of intrigued all at once!
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 26th, 2011 04:19 pm (UTC)
I hadn't seen the last aired episode before writing this but I really wish I had, because it had some lovely insights into Jeff's character. I would have loved to add in details from it since this entire fic is mostly about how good Jeff is at lying to himself. Thanks so much :)
LunaMystiklunamystik on March 26th, 2011 01:41 pm (UTC)
Wonderful! I love how you wrote Jeff, and how you tied his mother in, and Annie, of course. Very realistic and extremely well-written.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 26th, 2011 04:26 pm (UTC)
I love Jeff, he's this big-shot, smooth-talking lawyer on the surface but really he has so many raging daddy and mommy and romantic and trust issues, it's just fic goldmine. Thanks a lot :)
dillpickle: Annie/Jeff Communitypoppypickle on March 27th, 2011 12:56 am (UTC)
This is so so great.

And five years later she’s going to grow up and realize that he isn’t the only man in the world who looks like that and talks like so, and five years later he’s still going to be that guy who falls for her tears and Disney faces and it really, really sucks.

I love everything about this fic, but this section in particular.
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 27th, 2011 06:31 am (UTC)
Thank you so much :) I actually think that Jeff's in much deeper than Annie. Since she's nineteen, you could always say it's a crush on the hot, older, unattainable guy and she's going to grow out of it, but Jeff is much more experienced and what- thirty four? So his attraction to Annie (how much ever he may deny it) seems like the real thing.
(no subject) - poppypickle on March 28th, 2011 08:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Christina Bchrisfaithalin on March 27th, 2011 07:28 am (UTC)
I love the unique writing style and how you captured Jeff's voice. Very good story!
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on March 27th, 2011 08:30 am (UTC)
Thank you so much :) I mostly assume that Jeff lies to himself more than he does to anybody else, so it must be crazy inside his head.
dillpickle: Annie/Jeff Communitypoppypickle on April 15th, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC)
Dude, I was just rereading your recent H/Hr fic (slooooooooow day at work) and I realized that you had also written two of my favorite Jeff/Annie fics! So I guess I *officially* love your writing and your taste in ships...;-)
youcallitwinter: broadway's got you in its hold right nowyoucallitwinter on April 16th, 2011 09:41 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you so much! Since HP's become an older fandom of mine, I forget that people interested in it might be interested in my newer fandoms. Which, btw, is awesome! Shipping is my fandom lifeline, I'm mostly don't play objective viewer :D
(no subject) - poppypickle on April 19th, 2011 03:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on April 19th, 2011 06:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
woobloo: jeff/anniewoobloo on April 5th, 2013 06:18 am (UTC)
*flails* Why have I never realized that these fics existed?

i.e. decided to check out other fic because I was bored AND I FOUND THIS WONDERFULNESS.

There's too much PERFECTNESS here. Community's making me sad just these past couple of episodes, but wow, this reminded me of why I love the stupid show. Your Jeff Winder is perfect I tell you. PERFECT. !!!

Anyway, sorry for the ancient comment, but love love love this.
LiveJournal: pingback_botlivejournal on April 28th, 2013 02:45 am (UTC)
Shipper Manifesto and Rec Post
User woobloo referenced to your post from Shipper Manifesto and Rec Post saying: [...] banter-filled. And generally great. Fic Rec #4: confessions of a selfish man Author: Link: here [...]