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18 November 2011 @ 12:11 am
fic: forget the silver screen  



title: 
forget the silver screen
rating: hard r
pairing: caroline/damon, caroline/her issues
warnings: dub-con, first season
a/n: written for the caroline forbes comment ficathon.
disclaimer: disclaimed.
eenaangel's prompt: I best tidy up my head, I'm the only one in love.

Tonight will be different, she decides.

“Not on the neck”, she’ll tell him when he leans down. Try and keep her sanity a little while longer.

“But that’s my favorite place,” he’ll pout, the corner of his lips turning down in a way that will remind her he’s more boy than man. But he’s more monster than boy. Most times she’s never sure which.

“I know,” she’ll soothe him, the terror making inroads through her veins, mixing with the arousal. The smell of blood always makes her a little wet, or maybe it’s the other way round. Maybe there’s always a copper tang in the air when she’s wet. Most times, she’s never sure which, “but it’s hard to hide. I can’t wear those hideous scarves throughout summer. I have a reputation to keep, you know.”

Sometimes, when she thinks about it, she thinks she’s that high school girl from her books. The one sad enough to be dating the older guy who’s only with her because she’s a good fuck. She is a good fuck. He’s probably had better though. So she’s mostly just a metaphor that gives average blow-jobs.

“So where then?” his eyes will gleam, the monster in him (or maybe it’s the boy in him this time) sated with just the thought of marking another part of her body, claiming another inch of her soul skin. 

She’ll feel a slight pang of something like regret, because she’s never been as beautiful as Elena, and now, she’ll never be as beautiful as Elena. ‘Damaged goods’, her English teacher would say, talking about some story written a long time ago, 'damaged goods, they called her in the streets'. He probably lived in that story, a long time ago. Maybe he still lives in that story somewhere, she thinks occasionally, when she’s completing her English assignments and can afford to be poetic. 

(Katherine, he whispers sometimes, his hair plastered to his face, his cock still inside her, Katherine. She must have been some kind of a goddess in his time, Caroline decides, his reverence mingling with the sweat on her skin. An old goddess, with statues and worshippers to her name. Katherine. It’s a pretty name).

“Here,” she’ll say provocatively, opening herself to him, touching her inner thigh, hoping he doesn’t see her hand shake. “Here,” she’ll say again, make it something it’s not, won’t mention it’s the one place no one has seen, will see. She'll trace the skin with her finger, move a thumb to her clit, act like she knows what she's doing. Like she didn't learn it from a porn movie that Tyler secretly made them all watch in the Lockwood mansion once. She's damned if she'll let anyone else see the scars.

“Well, aren’t you the kinky one.” he’ll smile. Or something. Whatever the upward turn of his lip signifies on his face. She’s never very sure, "you weren't made for this one-horse town, sweet Caroline". Her daddy used to call her that, used to sing that song sometimes. She never wants to be called that again.

He’ll look at her, and she’ll look down, avoid his eyes, keep her thoughts hers for just a little while longer. Don't look too deep into those angel eyes, the record will blast. Don't mistake coincidence for fate, LOST taught her.

“Haven’t I proven it yet?” she’ll fan her hair like that, bite her lip just so. Borrow words from books she’s half read, from movies she’s missed the beginning of, make it sound like they’re hers, “my bad.”

“You want to make it up to me?” he’ll lie back, arms crossed against her headrest; cock straining, eyes hard. He’s achingly beautiful. 

She’ll slither down then, touch her tongue to his cock. Lose her innocence in front of her stuffed toys, her princess desk, her history homework, her childhood blanket, “is this sufficient repentance, Mr. Salvatore.”

His breath will shorten a little, she’ll feel something akin to triumph, something akin to loss (she’s never sure which), “well, if it’s the best you got Miss Forbes...”

She’ll lave him with her tongue, probably get it wrong, probably won’t compare to the women through the years, “you’re a hard task-master.”

He’ll look at her then, smirk, “you ain’t seen nothing, love.”

Don’t say that, she won’t say, don’t fucking say that, you bastard.

She’ll make him come with her tongue and teeth, swallow because she wants to, swallow because he wants her to (sometimes she’s not sure which). The sound at the back of his throat will stay with her all night. I fucking hate you, she won’t say. You’re beautiful when you come, she won’t say. 

He’ll pull her up then, flip her around at a speed her mind won’t register, make her beg, touch her in places she blushed about a year ago. 

“You’re beautiful when you come,” he’ll whisper against her skin. Breathe hard, when he doesn't need to breathe at all.

She’ll turn her head away then; keep her sanity just a little while longer.

(Maybe tomorrow, she’ll run, hide, scream. Tonight, she'll stay. "Not on the neck", she'll tell him).
 
 
 
Alexia Lisa Drake: Vampire Diaries - Caro & Damonalexia_drake on November 17th, 2011 07:23 pm (UTC)
Wow, I feel like I just read a deleted scene from Season 1. I loved it. Nicely written :D

And I kinda want to re-watch Season 1. Again. lol
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 17th, 2011 07:42 pm (UTC)
Haha, thank you so much! I'd have loved to see Caroline's thoughts about D/C explored; but well, that never happened, so, fic :D

My god, that season was awesome, I want a re-watch too!
upupa_epops: [tvd] Caroline Forbesupupa_epops on November 17th, 2011 07:43 pm (UTC)
WHOA.

That was amazing. I don't usually touch Damon/Caroline at all, because with the fandom's general attitude towards Damon I never know when I'll come across something that will make me a little ball of feminist rage, but here I was sure that it won't be the case, so I read it. WHOA. Just WHOA.

I love how you're building your story on what Caroline doesn't say and what she doesn't know for sure. And all the references, how Caroline borrows sentences, learns from half-read books and movies, and TV; she is so young, and you capture it perfectly. The clash between her childhood room and what she does with Damon, the clash between how beautiful Damon is and his monstrosity - amazing!

It's certainly not a nice story to read, and it brings little pleasure, but good for you. This is how it's supposed to work :). Excellent writing!
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 17th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
I have an incredibly messed-up relationship with Damon/Caroline, because I actually ship them? Hard. And trying to reconcile that with what Damon's done to her; oh man, why do I even do this to myself? D:

Word to fandom's attitude to Damon, cannot stand it. I think the worst about that relationship was that it was abusive in such a human way; it wasn't all about Damon being a vampire, it was also about him shattering her self-esteem ("stupid, shallow, useless"), using her for whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and her excusing his actions (willingly or through compulsion, it's never clear). And Caroline is such an amazingly strong characters, that it's hard to see that blank look in her eyes.

But I still ship them on potential because I think the snark and sex would be amazing, not to mention they're forever everyone else's second choice. But then I love all the psychopaths on the show, so my moral compass is obviously not pointing north, heh.
(no subject) - upupa_epops on November 17th, 2011 08:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 12:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - upupa_epops on November 18th, 2011 04:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 04:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - upupa_epops on November 18th, 2011 05:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 06:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - upupa_epops on November 18th, 2011 10:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 19th, 2011 01:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Bogwitch: TVD - Carolinebogwitch on November 17th, 2011 09:10 pm (UTC)
This was achy, but lovely in a chilling undercurrent way.

Edited at 2011-11-17 09:10 pm (UTC)
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 12:43 pm (UTC)
I think that might have been because Caroline was terrified, haha, thank you :)
a girl like that: dc2cassiehayes on November 17th, 2011 09:35 pm (UTC)
OH. I love Damon/Caroline fic set in the beginning of season one when it's done well, and this is SO GOOD. You've captured Caroline's feelings in such a tragic, painful way, and I love the contrast of what's happening and where it's happening, Lose her innocence in front of her stuffed toys, her princess desk, her history homework, her childhood blanket. aljdsljdsds, oh Caroline D:

And I love how you portrayed Damon in this, not romanticizing what happened at all.

(Katherine, he whispers sometimes, his hair plastered to his face, his cock still inside her, Katherine. She must have been some kind of a goddess in his time, Caroline decides, his reverence mingling with the sweat on her skin. An old goddess, with statues and worshippers to her name. Katherine. It’s a pretty name).

SO PERFECT I CAN'T. Guhh. (Also making me remember how hard I shipped Damon/Katherine too in season one, oh gosh.)

Also, this - Borrow words from books she’s half read, from movies she’s missed the beginning of, make it sound like they’re hers - is just such an interesting sentence to me, and idk, I just adore the detail and idea of it, and yeah okay, there is so much of this LOVELY FIC that is quote-worthy, I can't, and I just want to clutch Caroline to my heart.
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 12:55 pm (UTC)
Appropriate icon is appropriate :D Also, his expression is so ~intense.

I love Damon/Caroline fic set in the beginning of season one.

Oh, I know, right? There is SO MUCH to explore. I've totally had this idea in mind about a S1 Damon/Caroline fic since ages, because I love Damon being a bastard and Caroline being difficult. It's so not easy to make her do stuff till he compels her, it's got to hurt his ego a little, heh.

You picked my favorite line, of course you would.

Not romanticizing what happened at all.

This fandom sucks with things like that D:

there is so much of this LOVELY FIC that is quote-worthy, I can't, and I just want to clutch Caroline to my heart.

Haha, this sounds like EXACTLY what I said about your fantastic Stefan/Caroline fic yesterday, I shall quote it all places ^^ But seriously, Caroline in S1 was such a tragedy, she shall forever be my favorite *hearts*
(no subject) - cassiehayes on November 18th, 2011 09:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 19th, 2011 01:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cassiehayes on November 19th, 2011 02:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 19th, 2011 09:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cassiehayes on November 20th, 2011 03:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy: TVD: Carebadboy_fangirl on November 17th, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
You can have a word: PERFECT.

And I can have a word: HEARTACHE.

You manage to make me feel sorry for both of them; and the irony is really that in some ways, Damon's abusing himself. All the mean, nasty things he did and said to Caroline seems to me to be the self-recrimination that he never faces.

So awful, but also worthy of exploration.

I'd copy and paste, but there's not enough room in one comment for ALL THE WORDS. Just know I loved them all.
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 01:05 pm (UTC)
YOU READ A DAMON/CAROLINE FIC? Well, do I love you, or what! (Although I suppose it's more Caroline/her issues, Damon/his issues, haha.)

And the irony is really that in some ways, Damon's abusing himself. All the mean, nasty things he did and said to Caroline seems to me to be the self-recrimination that he never faces.

With Damon, it's pretty much a cycle of abuse; I love how his relationship with Katherine was so much a role-reversing mirror to his relationship with Caroline. He was so innocent in 1864, so completely awestruck and in love and Katherine played him perfectly; and then he did the exact same thing to Caroline, who always seems the most innocent out of her and Bonnie and Elena, since Elena had just faced death and Bonnie's always been much more mature. And of course, they both feel like they can't match up to people around them, and Damon knew EXACTLY what to say to hurt Caroline, because that's the exact same thing that'll hurt him.

God, I did not mean to write an essay, I swear; their dysfunctionality just makes me verbose, lol
Gabby: candicegabby227 on November 17th, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC)
OMG. That was such a good story. I really liked it, although it is kind of sad (but it always is, when it comes to Damon/Caroline, right? Even though I kind of ship them pretty hard. That's your fault, btw). Anyway, good story. You really captured Caroline's personality IMO.
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 01:07 pm (UTC)
although it is kind of sad (but it always is, when it comes to Damon/Caroline.

Oh, I know, right? I think I've written one semi-normal, semi-happy fic for them, but the rest all of the "oh my god, how do I ship this so much when they're so horrific and dysfunctional" variety. BUT THE SEX AND THE SNARK. I am convinced they'd be epic in both.

Thank you so much! :D
(no subject) - gabby227 on November 19th, 2011 04:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 19th, 2011 01:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gabby227 on November 20th, 2011 04:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 20th, 2011 09:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
unoshotunoshot on November 17th, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
This thing you have written is beautiful, okay. Caroline with all her insecurities and her trapped bitterness and her desperate desire to please; Damon and his fucked up, playful affections (because he can be affectionate in moments, even if he doesn't mean it -- if he's in control, if she can't tell anyone, if it's their little secret). Preludes to Andi.

the corner of his lips turning down in a way that will remind her he’s more boy than man. But he’s more monster than boy. Most times she’s never sure which.

Yes, this.
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 01:13 pm (UTC)
You are very nice to me as always, I notice. But oh my god, Caroline/her insecurities is OTP, she was literally the only realistic character on this show in the Pilot, and her relationship with Damon was horrific and excellent all at the same time.

And her desperate desire to please.

THIS IS HER. Even Caroline/Matt was awful because of this D:

Damon and his fucked up, playful affections

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FIRST SEASON /burn, but Damon is oddly playful and affectionate with her sometimes and that has to be the most terrifying thing ever.

Thank you for basically getting the whole thing (EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FIRST SEASON) <3
(no subject) - unoshot on November 19th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 19th, 2011 01:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ashley: damonsleuthinpumps on November 18th, 2011 12:36 am (UTC)
Beautiful, beautiful, GORGEOUS. More than anything I love the way this reads almost like a song or a poem. You've created some wonderful imagery and woven it into this rhythm with repeating choruses. I really love the pairing as well. It's so tragic and unhealthy and full of weakness that it's kind of perfect. I'll definitely be thinking about this story for weeks.
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 01:19 pm (UTC)
What a very lovely comment! I appreciate this comment so much on a purely critical level separate from the fic, all by itself, because you've used the extended metaphor of poetry so well in it. My god, that was possibly the oddest thing I've ever said D:

It's so tragic and unhealthy and full of weakness that it's kind of perfect.

God, yes, this. This is exactly why I ship them.

Thanks a lot, that's really nice of you :)
nonky: Caroline and Damonnonky on November 18th, 2011 04:03 am (UTC)
This is so good. I ship Damon and Caroline in their unhealthy eater and eaten relationship far more than I like to admit all the time. He was so undeniably boyfriendy at times, indulgent and tolerant of her tastes and also cruel and exploitive.

It's a great dichotomy there, where the only one more conflicted about their destructive relationship than Caroline is Damon. I like that the show has move them beyond it, but that first season with Caroline as both prey and heckler to Damon's plans was brilliant in a way it's hard to express. Excellent take on it, and now I ship Caroline/issues.

(Don't tell anyone I was here, though, I'm supposed to be NaNoing.)
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 01:27 pm (UTC)
I ship Damon and Caroline in their unhealthy eater and eaten relationship far more than I like to admit all the time.

Yeah, I'm pretty shameless about shipping them. I wax lyrical about Damon and consent and horrific and things and then ship them so hard, I don't even anymore D:

He was so undeniably boyfriendy at times, indulgent and tolerant of her tastes and also cruel and exploitative.

I find this absolutely fascinating; like, I'd like to write ALL THE FICS about this. It's something that never manifested itself later; because Damon with Andie was equally horrific, but he never had his real humanly cruel moments, as his redemption arc had started. Even that terrible scene where she's standing in her underwear and he basically feeds on her is a vampire thing, while "stupid, shallow, useless" is undeniably a human thing. I always ship all the wrong ships anyway :s

now I ship Caroline/issues.

OTP, ngl.

Don't tell anyone I was here, though, I'm supposed to be NaNoing.

I COULD NEVER DO THAT, I'm so incredibly allergic to work, and people actually writing two thousand words per day are fairly god-like. All the best!
Frances: TVD - Caroline - taking care of businessgoldy_dollar on November 18th, 2011 04:52 am (UTC)
Oh whoa. This is great.

I love that you drove straight into it - the abuse and Caroline being so young and her insecurity (omg, that line about how she thinks she will never be as beautiful as Elena oh Caroline D:).

Also love this:

(Katherine, he whispers sometimes, his hair plastered to his face, his cock still inside her, Katherine. She must have been some kind of a goddess in his time, Caroline decides, his reverence mingling with the sweat on her skin. An old goddess, with statues and worshippers to her name. Katherine. It’s a pretty name).

Because it weirdly humanized Damon in a fic where he was otherwise the abuser? And Caroline, not being jealous about it. Katherine is a pretty name. KILL ME.

Basically: I LOVE YOUR WRITING. WRITE ME ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIME.
youcallitwinter: tonight i think i'll walk aloneyoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 01:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you <3 I do not know if you make it a habit to read D/C, but the fact that you did made me :D

Caroline being so young and her insecurity.

Those are my favorite things about Caroline; she always seems so young and innocent despite everything she's gone through (including being murdered and turning :s) and Caroline/her insecurities = OTP.

Damon is completely caught in a circle of abuse; he's pretty much Caroline's Katherine with all the abuse and none of the love. Man, what things do I ship even. D:

YOU WOULD GET TIRED IF I DID. RANDOM, FAR AWAY UPDATES ARE FOR THE GREATER GOOD, I SWEAR. (Besides I want you to write me things all the time, so).
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on November 18th, 2011 06:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 06:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on November 18th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on November 18th, 2011 07:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 07:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on November 18th, 2011 07:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 07:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on November 18th, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)