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03 January 2012 @ 02:07 am
fic: but the world may end tonight.  

I've been rather awol lately, sorry! I'm going away for a couple days, but I'll catch up with everyone as soon as I'm back. (I'm supposed to leave in three hours and I spent the last two hours doing this, instead of, y'know, sleeping. What is my life even?) I was required to fill a prompt before the show returns (YES) because I gave one, so.

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR you guys, I do love you madly. :D

title: but the world may end tonight
rating: r
pairing: damon[/elena]
warnings: post 3x09
a/n: written for the de holiday xchange over at tvdmixing
disclaimer: disclaimed.
for xxsummerfairyxx's prompt about what goes inside Damon's head when he looks at Elena. [I suck at smut, which is what the exchange was about, so possibly no one wanted this, but, alas, I wrote it anyway].



The whole, we’ll-get-through-this, being-the-strong-one thing lasts for an entire night. Almost.

She stumbles through the door, and then it starts over, that familiar hammering inside his skull to the tune of her heartbeat. And there are these moments when he wonders just when exactly he became this guy.

(And there are other moments, lasting five fractions of eternity, when he’s too in love, too in worship, to wonder about anything except the curve of her neck, the slope of her shoulders, the arch of her back).

“Seriously? I didn’t think you were going to exhaust all the John Hughes version of Teenage Angst possibilities in the first five minutes of the grand 'we'll survive this' speech.”

So fine, he’s pathetic in the way that most people aren’t. But then again, she’s beautiful in the way that most people aren’t. He’s pretty sure those things cancel each other out through some law of informal logic that wasn’t taught while he was still at school. And again, he’s pretty sure that that puts the blame squarely on the system. (Standard stuff, he always goes for the standard stuff).

“Your mouth is moving,” she slurs, stumbling into his arms (that’s cliché #548) “your mouth is moving, but no sense. You don’t make sense. Too big. The words. Show off on your own time.” She smells flammable, part Petrova blood, part salt water, but mostly just alcohol. And he thinks if he was one of those guys, he’d secretly write poetry about fire and vulnerability, and use metaphors no one else will, about how she’s the intoxicant in his bloodstream, how he’s drunk on her, with even the possibility of her. Whatever the hell happened to that guy anyway?

“So why did you decide to drink your body weight in alcohol again?”

Is sorry he asked just as soon as it’s out of his mouth. It’s the same reason the memory of broken glass hides in invisible scars on his skin. There are never any real scars left anymore; his skin heals too fast for that. God, he needs to stop breaking his best glasses.

"I'm not fat," she says, indignantly, coherent, "you're implying I'm double my usual size." she's just as lost as he is. Too drunk, not drunk enough.

She breaks away from his grasp, flounces towards his couch. Leaves him hard, wanting. Like a fucking kid jacking off to magazines he’ll never read a single word of. His skin has flesh memories of her, the touch of her hand tangled somewhere in his neurons and synapses. Graphic. Fake. His head is always in permanent zoom mode when it’s his hand at night and the memory of hers. He doesn't see all of her, just her lips, just her eyes, her fingers. Because he hasn't seen all of her. And it's unreal, some pefect body from a late-night movie wearing her smile.

(He still tries though, sometimes. Imagines her breasts, her legs wrapped around him, her hair over his chest. Comes to the image of her eyes either way. There’s a moral in there somewhere. )

“You’re in love with me, right?”

Yes. “What?”

“In love,” she points at him, like he didn't get the question the first time because he’s dim-witted, “with me. You.”

“Elena.” Damon, please don’t go there.

“Just checking,” she shrugs her bare shoulders, clenches her dress in her hands.

“Why,” he asks because he’s a fucking idiot. I care about you. Listen to me, I care about you.

‘Because,” she stops. He’s always been in love with those eyes, that face. And now he probably will always be in love with those same eyes, that same face. Which is just sad. And by sad, he means lame, obviously. “Because I don’t think you’ll give me an honest opinion about the dress.”

What? “what?

“Honest,” she says, emphasizing, “I want to know if I look good in it. But you’re in love with me, so you’re—” stops again, searches for the word, “biased. You probably think I look good in the night pajamas with the cows on them.”

He thinks she looks beautiful in them, he thinks he wants to take them off most times, he thinks if no one else does him the favor, he might as well stake himself soon.

“I asked a guy at the bar,” she continues conversationally, “he said ‘yeah whatever’ and walked away. Everyone walks away, it’s an interesting phenomenon.”

I love Stefan, it’ll always be Stefan.

‘I won’t’, he doesn’t say. Because it’s stupid. Because it isn’t something he hasn’t already said a thousand times before. Because he thinks he might fall to his knees in front of her in the space between the two words and this moment will be even more broken, sadder than it already is. And by sad, he means lame, obviously.

“I could stop being in love with you for two minutes,” he suggests, ups the tragi-comic ante of their tableau; he’s read the literature, he’s good at this shit, “just enough time to give you an honest, unbiased opinion.”

She bites her lips, looks at him from under her lashes and he falls in love (over and over and over and), “okay.”

He assesses her, saves her at the back of his head, her heartbeat throbbing at the base of his skull, “you look” gorgeous, god, you're so “presentable. In the dark. Avoid too much light; it won’t flatter your complexion. The red's good for your hair, but it's too obvious, too out there, too already-been-done-to-death.”

She stares at him, wide-eyed, all of eighteen to his thousand and one, “you’re rude. Feel free to go back to being in love with me anytime now”

“Just honest,” he steals her shrug.

She considers that, not looking at him looking at her. He can almost count the second down to when his brother disappears from those eyes for a moment, replaced by the overhead light in the room. “Oh.” And smiles.

You and I, we have something. An understanding.

(Later, he’ll try imagining her out of the dress. Fail. Come to the sound of her voice.)

 
 
 
xxsummerfairyxxxxsummerfairyxx on January 2nd, 2012 08:57 pm (UTC)
WOW!
this was fantastic. and i loved it :)
you went for a different approach and it totally worked. great writing.
and thank you for choosing my prompt to work with :)
vic xxxxx
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:23 am (UTC)
Re: WOW!
I'm so glad it worked for you because I saw a couple of other fics in the challenge and they were written in a completely different vein which just made me go 'wow, I cannot do this', but thanks!
Florencia: DE (Remember)florencia7 on January 2nd, 2012 10:43 pm (UTC)
You should see me every time I see a post from you! Or... maybe you shouldn't LOL Just imagine somebody very joyously grinning & giggling & clapping her hands at the same time ^^

I ♥ adored ♥ this! NO STYLE CAN COMPETE WITH YOUR STYLE. Yours is the best. I love it so much. All the words always feel like they are coming from the hearts/souls/minds of the characters. All the words feel so thoroughly right. I love the truth shining through all the moments of confusion that isn't confusion at all anyway. I just LOVE your writing.

Wonderful fic! ♥
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:27 am (UTC)
Haha, I think that's exactly what I'd say to a comment from you, you're totally my happy place :DD

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THE STYLE? Because honestly, it doesn't really exist, it's just the illusion of a style and sometimes it sounds very ~deep and most times it's all very 'wtf was that D:' But really, I'm also very joyously grinning that you liked this, haven't written these two in ages!
semi-titled: damon close-up smilepocochina on January 2nd, 2012 11:14 pm (UTC)
ooooh, this! <3

He’s always been in love with those eyes, that face. And now he probably will always be in love with those same eyes, that same face. That’s sad. And by sad, he means lame, obviously.

THAT'S MY BOY. Knows how pathetic he is and goes for it full steam ahead.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:29 am (UTC)
Haha, OMG YES, he is so totally lame and in love and worshipful and doesn't learn a thing from past relationship /pets psychopath
Crystal: vampire diaries | elena | supergirlpetitebelette on January 3rd, 2012 12:01 am (UTC)
Choking on tears. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:30 am (UTC)
AS IS YOUR ICON. Hee, thank you, you <33
aerintine: Elena & Damon force the issueaerintine on January 3rd, 2012 12:23 am (UTC)
Oh, but it's perfect. Your Damon makes my chest tighten, and your Elena is so adorable and lost I could cry. WONDERFUL.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:31 am (UTC)
I feel like I write Elena thirty degrees north of canon and someday someone will go 'DUDE, OOC' but lost and adorable is what I aim for, haha. Thank you!
jane_wanderlustjane_wanderlust on January 3rd, 2012 03:41 am (UTC)
ughughughugh I have no time to read this, but wishing you a fun and safe trip!

You will be missed!
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:32 am (UTC)
DON'T EVEN BOTHER, I HAVE NO HIGH GROUND IN THE MATTER D:

Aww, thank you, it's been fun so far, but I also want to get back! ~CONFLICT.
pingback_botpingback_bot on January 3rd, 2012 04:42 am (UTC)
Recs and Vids
User aerintine referenced to your post from Recs and Vids saying: [...] definitely read if you like laughing and being happy. posted a short little Damon/Elena piece [...]
Shaitanah: damon/elenaistne_pieklo on January 3rd, 2012 09:57 am (UTC)
Oh, this is so beautiful. <333 I absolutely adore your Elena. She is IC, but so much more believable than she sometimes is on the show. And their relationship dynamics is beautiful. <3
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:33 am (UTC)
Haha, I think that's a lovely way of describing it, instead of saying "DUDE, YOUR ELENA IS SO OOC", but I'm really glad you think it's believable because that's what I always want my Elena to be! Thank you <33
x5valex5vale on January 3rd, 2012 11:12 am (UTC)
Oh Damon...I wish, I really wish he could have some happiness in his life.

This is so beautiful.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:34 am (UTC)
I'm pretty sure he'll wake up happy after the events of 3x10 :D Thank you so much!
Deedefine_serenity on January 3rd, 2012 03:55 pm (UTC)
GORGEOUS!
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:34 am (UTC)
Thank you! <3
cheeseycowcheeseycow on January 3rd, 2012 11:10 pm (UTC)
Loved your writing style. It's almost stream of consciousness feel really added to the characterisation.
cc
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:35 am (UTC)
I've been using this pseudo-stream-of-consciousness thing before I even knew what it was; I think it's just because I'm lazy with punctuation, haha. Thanks!
ever_neutral: tvd; elena ~ i'll be bulletproofever_neutral on January 4th, 2012 01:25 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD THIS FIC. I hate you. Why do you always do this to me. Why does this ship always do this to me. I HATE IT.

Your Damon is perfectly pitiable, of course, BUT THE ELENA OF IT THOUGH. There needs to be more drunk!Elena. PLEASE SHOW, GIVE IT TO US. Though, it cannot possibly be as fantastic as this. Just, this: “I asked a guy at the bar,” she continues conversationally, “he said ‘yeah whatever’ and walked away. Everyone walks away, it’s an interesting phenomenon.” -- CRYING WHILE EATING ICE CREAM DOT GIF.

And IDK how you fucking do it, but your D/E always just totally nails down everything that is wonderful about them like it ain't no big thing. The open-closed, loud-quiet, TOTALLY SELF-AWARE "this doesn't mean anything because it means everything", Elena throwing out the fact that he's in love with her just because she wants an opinion on her dress, and: ‘I won’t’, he doesn’t say. -- MY WHOLE HEART. Oh fuck, of course he won't, and it's why they are like this, and why she's like this here. THIS IS EVERYTHING THAT THEY ARE.

TL;DR I want to cut out the part of myself that has feelings. Fuck you. Fuck these two. Leave me to my rage.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:49 am (UTC)
HAHA, YOU ARE SOMETHING ELSE YOU KNOW THAT?

Drunk!Elena (or lost!Elena) may be my most favorite Elena (after possibly bitchy!Elena of course) because it's like the starting point for so many other Elenas and I just wish she was drunk a lot, which is fairly impossible because girl has tolerance like whoa #100 reasons I should never be a parent.

The open-closed, loud-quiet, TOTALLY SELF-AWARE "this doesn't mean anything because it means everything"

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS FIC GOT IT, BUT YOUR D/E DESCRIPTIONS SPEAK TO MY SOUL. This is my Damon/Elena, no curr what anyone else (including canon, if it gets to that someday) sez.

I think Elena through Damon's eyes is a lot more...more, that say Elena through Elena's eyes, so I always imagine that Damon thinking about Elena is just glossing through her and knowing everything about her but being so much in love anyway that she can't stop him worshipping her if she tried. Aww, kids.
lokya2046lokya2046 on January 5th, 2012 03:42 am (UTC)
This is very good. Have a poetic feel to it.

And you really got Damon in the story.

love it.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:36 am (UTC)
'Poetic' is always a very nice thing to hear (esp since I am ridic horrific at actual poetry), thank you!
(Anonymous) on January 9th, 2012 01:59 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness. I believe the exact moment that I fell in love with your writing was by the third sentence. By the third paragraph, I was willing to give you my first born child, as long as you promise to keep writing. This was all sorts of wonderful. Your characterisation is flawless and I adore the use of parantheses. Thank you so much for sharing! x
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:38 am (UTC)
This is such a lovely comment, I'M TOTALLY WILLING TO TAKE YOUR FIRST BORN (pretty sure I promised mine to someone, so I have that slot free). I'm glad you felt that it was IC because that's always my main concern, thanks so much!
dante_kentdante_kent on January 9th, 2012 02:47 pm (UTC)
FLAILING OVER THIS. Ok, composure. BUT THIS THOUGH.

Your Damon is flawless. Hell, your Elena is flawless. EVERYTHING IS FLAWLESS. This is everything I love about them - the impossible combination of unbearable sexual tension and total comfort, them taking care of each other, the constant unacknowledged (until now) truth of Damon's love for her. I've told you before how much I love that they both know beyond a doubt that he's hopelessly in love with her, and how it colors everything between them and yet doesn't change them at all, because it's something they always keep only just under the surface. So when one of them breaks the illusion, it's extra wonderful, especially when that person is Elena. I LOVE her flat out statement that he loves her. It's always there, if either one of them needs it for any reason. Even fashion advice.

Comes to the image of her eyes either way. There’s a moral in there somewhere.

THIS LINE. AMAZING.

“I could stop being in love with you for two minutes,” he suggests, ups the tragi-comic ante of their tableau; he’s read the literature, he’s good at this shit

LOL, DAMON. No. If only. And yet SO Damon, because this is how he builds himself. He'll be something for her that he can't ever be for himself.

He assesses her, saves her at the back of his head, her heartbeat throbbing at the base of his skull, “you look” gorgeous, god, you're so “presentable.

DO YOU SECRETLY WRITE FOR THIS SHOW? There is no other explanation for how your Damon is so pitch-perfect. None at all.

THIS IS GLORIOUS. Please come back so I can have more of this always (slash I miss you why must you leave when I only just got back?). ♥
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:58 am (UTC)
I NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH OF THIS IS REAL AND HOW MUCH OF IT JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A COMPLETELY AWESOME PERSON ;) Always willing to bask in praise tho. :D

I am so glad you think I managed D/E right because I haven't written them in ages, and for some time there I thought I'd totally lost any ability to write them at all which would kind of suck D: I love writing Elena through Damon's eyes because my boy's so in love, and I get to worship Elena like she deserves, hee. You're completely right about the illusion being maintained and occasionally breaking; I think it's something that Elena sort of relies on as being there even though she'd say she doesn't want it to be ("where were you Damon"). It adds that tinge of vanity and selfishness to her character that makes good characters good. It's like he owes her something because he's in love with her, even thought she hasn't given him reason to be; and I personally think that dynamic is fascinating!

DAMON IS THE MOST FAIL MASTER OF PRETENSE THOUGH, CAN ONLY FOOL A DRUNK GIRL AND ONLY BARELY THEN. Wears his heart on his sleeve, he does!

I WANT TO COME BACK AND TALK TO YOU. Thank you so much! ♥♥
Li: DE Kitchenrunlilirun on January 10th, 2012 02:12 am (UTC)
“I could stop being in love with you for two minutes,” he suggests

Awww! LOL This was my favourite line but I loved the whole fic. *pets it*
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 12th, 2012 10:39 am (UTC)
Haha, my boy is so ridic fail at not being in love. Thank you! <33
Sar: DE Dancingpaceisthetrick on January 14th, 2012 08:54 pm (UTC)
“I could stop being in love with you for two minutes,”
So I originally read this before on my phone and had problems commenting, so here I am.

ADORABLE. I JUST....you write Damon ADORABLE. And I know he hates that word, he has to hate that word, but Damon Salvatore is so ridiculously adorable and people who don't realize that can jump off a cliff. He's a hopeless romantic that knows he hopeless (especially in your story). :-/

I also liked Damon being the "fashion police"... ADORABLE.

Umm about our secret service prompt, I can't fucking handle writing "an orgy"....so can we settle for Damon/Elena with bits of Caroline? Still student teacher stuff.

See I don't like saying I'll do something and not do it, and I DO want to write a story just for you. What happened is I wrote other Holiday stories for authors that had NO replies. ;D
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on January 17th, 2012 07:37 pm (UTC)
Re: “I could stop being in love with you for two minutes,”
Hee, this is the first time anyone's ever told me that I write Damon 'adorable', but omg, thank you so much, that's kind of how I want to write Damon/Elena-- adorable and stupid and very much twelve :D And hahaha, YES to Damon being a hopeless romantic, that's like his DEFINING feature (oh, hello, Spike, didn't see you lurking about).

Listen, don't worry about the prompt if it's an issue! I've already got a lovely fill, so you should concentrate on stuff you want to write and it way way more sensible to reply to people who hadn't yet had replies! :D
(Deleted comment)
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on February 16th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much! Drunk!Elena is my absolute favorite to write, she gets so happy and honest and teenagery and we rarely get to see her like that D: And Damon is mostly ELENA *HEARTS* so I just go with the flow, hee
Noelle: TVD - Damon/Elena kissspuffy_noelle on February 15th, 2012 08:59 pm (UTC)
And by sad, he means lame, obviously.

Oh, Damon, always so self-aware.

Loved this fic. Drunk!Elena calling him out on being in love with her. You really put words to my favorite aspect of their relationship - they're "friends" but there's a bit more too it than that.
youcallitwinter: be your teenage dream tonightyoucallitwinter on February 16th, 2012 08:27 pm (UTC)
Damon's self awareness as to his own levels of being insanely in love never fails to make me want to pet him. Boy knows he's plunged the depths of whipped and soldiers on /pets

Thank you so much *hearts*
all these hearts made of plastic: rachel mcadamsenemeriad on May 17th, 2012 07:08 am (UTC)
this was wonderful.. ugh you write such wonderful stories!