?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
08 April 2011 @ 05:40 pm
fic: these accidents of faith  
Title: these accidents of faith
Rating: pg-13
Spoilers: post series, but nothing really
Pairing: Harry/Hermione sort of. Harry-centric.
Summary: Mostly he doesn't look for deeper meanings. Post DH: oneshot.
Author's Notes: Resolution. Or y'know, not.
Disclaimer: disclaimed. Although writing fic to right canon wrongs is vastly soul satisfying.




He doesn't really understand.

It's as if one day he wakes up and her hair is brown. A definite sort of brown, like maybe if he hadn't been so busy saving the world, he'd have read more, and his dictionary would actually have had another word for it. All that he knows right now is that it's browner than Ginny's hair is red and…

(…fuck, was that supposed to happen?)




He sits five feet, nine inches away from her at all times. He's memorized the pattern of the tiles in the Burrow, till he knows exactly how many lines he has to leave to fit the minimum exact distance to resist her force of gravity. It's stronger than most, he's noticed. There's really no reason for it, expect that he knows if he moves closer, his other best friend pulls her onto his lap as a symbol of... something ...that probably lots of scholars have spent their lives researching and he knows nothing about.

And there are times when he's lying in bed looking at the Marauder's Map and their dots just converge and he wonders whether she's just sitting on his lap as usual, because it's hard to imagine her in any other situation that could possibly cause this convergence. Not that girl with the loose robes and heavy books in her hand who'd told once him that there were more important things in life than books and cleverness.

And there are nights when his dreams supply those missing images. Nights when his whole world explodes into technicolor beneath his close eye lids and he wakes up in the middle of winter, sweating. Her hair is still brown but Ron has jet black hair and green eyes like his mother's, and oddly enough doesn't look like Ron at all.

He shoves the map in the uppermost corner of his cupboard and doesn't look at it again.




She always comes to him when she's lonely. It's just something he knows. Like he knows that Ginny's beautiful and that Ron would have given his life up for him if he had had to. He doesn't look for deeper meanings because he's not that guy.

It's when she's heard about the death of this girl in the war. They don't even give her name, just a blurred picture among thousands of the same kind, with a poetic heading that doesn't mean anything because words never do mean anything when her hair is so brown and the girl she brought her first bra with is dead.

Or the day she realizes that strong memory charms aren't completely reversible and her mother gives her this bright trusting look because she's the perfect daughter and calls her Hermia.

"At least they're both from Shakespeare," he says matter-of-factly, (watching your closest friends lying lifeless on the ground in the aftermath of the beautiful green light does that to you) and then she's hitting him with entirely too much strength, and because there are times when she's reduced to the elements of blood and skin, and it actually hurts but he won't tell her (because he's the Boy Who Lived. They have books about him. He doesn't hurt, obviously).

"You're bruised," she tells him, when she's exhausted and they're both just lying there, breathing, "I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so, so sorr…"

And then she starts crying because how dare her vocabulary and her magic fail her on the same day?




"They're alliterative," she tells him this one time. Ginny and Ron aren't home and he's standing close enough to touch (but not touching, that's important).

"What?"

"Our names."

He looks at her not looking at him, "What does that mean?"

She shakes a little with silent laughter, half bent over her bakery book, and he hears it clearly in his head because that's how fucked up he is, "Nothing, really."

And he doesn't know what it means but the world's still spinning so maybe it's not important enough (but she's got flour on her face and her eyes are sparkling and as she swipes her hand, he gets her flour on his face and when he thinks about it, that might be the only thing important enough).




It's as if one day he wakes up and her hair is brown. And a year later he's marrying the girl with the red hair, the beautiful one whom he…he… really cares about.

And she's with the boy with the red hair, her husband, who looks like his new bride, and he feels his heart clench and it hurts a little, not as much as his body does when she's hitting him, but just a little.

And then she looks at him from across the room that the world is in (it's Harry Potter's wedding, he's Harry-fucking-Potter) he doesn't breathe for a moment, because he knows she's holding hers.

(Maybe that's alliteration).




And as all four of them are standing together and he's five feet two inches away from her (that's too close to her gravity), he notices her eyes are brown too, and he understands this time because although he was saving the world while they were teaching grammar at Hogwarts, he's always had an excellent vocabulary for four-lettered words.

 
 
Current Mood: restlessrestless
 
 
 
jane_wanderlustjane_wanderlust on April 8th, 2011 01:36 pm (UTC)
OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS BB!!!!!

First off, I hope you are feeling loads better!
If not I shall have to send you loads of vitamin C, and zinc and tissues and boxsets of crappy TV shows to your part of the world until you get better.

Secondly.
Holy fucking shit. I'm going to swear a lot because that tends to happen when I'm overly excited.
Okay.
So, Harry/Hermione was like...MY FIRST SHIP. When I first started reading Harry Potter when I was about 11 years old and didn't even know what shipping was; I shipped HHR.
Still to this day.
They are my original and most beloved OTP.

As usual your work is stunning.
Just....stunning.
This is so perfect because it's justtherenotquitebutmaybe and you can feel it so much, and it's so painful and lovely all at once and so, sooo HHR.

GUH. I love this so much.

There aren't words.
<3<3<3

FEEL BETTER!!!
dillpickle: Hanging Treepoppypickle on April 8th, 2011 06:58 pm (UTC)
Love the Gale icon...he's my favorite. <3
(no subject) - jane_wanderlust on April 8th, 2011 07:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - poppypickle on April 8th, 2011 10:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on April 9th, 2011 11:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
musicffmemusicffyou on April 8th, 2011 04:38 pm (UTC)
Wow! wow wow wow! That was such amazing writing. It was almost freaking poetry how well this flowed and how wonderfully written it was. Just an amazing job! Thank you for posting :D
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 9th, 2011 11:21 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I find it nearly impossible to think of plot or anything, so I have to go with short/random fics, and I'm glad people can like that stuff too :D
mihnnmihnn on April 8th, 2011 04:57 pm (UTC)
Absolutely gorgeous.

(…fuck, was that supposed to happen?)

My favourite line I think; simply because it says so much about him.
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 9th, 2011 11:23 am (UTC)
OH HAI THERE! It's so nice to meet LWD people elsewhere! This is WhenLighteningStrikes btw! Thank you so much, I mostly disregard the Epilogue as non-canon so HHr possibilities are endless :D
(no subject) - mihnn on April 9th, 2011 11:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on April 9th, 2011 12:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
dillpickle: H/Hr Dancepoppypickle on April 8th, 2011 06:58 pm (UTC)
Oh god I love this and it was such a nice surprise to see awesome new H/Hr fic when I signed in this morning. The whole thing is just so tragic and lovely and specific.

And then she starts crying because how dare her vocabulary and her magic fail her on the same day?

This broke my heart into a million billion pieces. <3
jane_wanderlustjane_wanderlust on April 8th, 2011 07:22 pm (UTC)
I meant this icon!
lol oops.

But I love both.
GUH.
THE HANGING TREE.
Guhhh.
Love.
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on April 9th, 2011 11:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
lee: Clemence - defaultsnegurochka_lee on April 9th, 2011 02:00 am (UTC)
Oh wow, that was really beautifully written and so powerful. I haven't read a lot of this ship, but I always liked the idea of them together. To be jealous of Ron like that... the merging of their dots on the Map, oof. So powerful. Loved it!
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 9th, 2011 11:29 am (UTC)
Thank you so much :) I've always shipped HHr in canon but I haven't read much fic for them. Somehow in fic tastes I always gravitated towards DHr- because of the romantic potential with the evil guy, I suppose, haha. But I HAVE always thought that Harry should be secretly jealous of Ron!
it's strange that words are so inadequate: harry/hermione; something real good goin10millionpeople on April 10th, 2011 12:51 am (UTC)
Dear Lord. This. This is beautiful. And I want to burn it because it is too beautiful and heartnberaking and UGH, canon, why'd you screw us over?
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 10th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you :) I agree though, because of the epilogue it felt like the ships had much too final an end; if it'd been left where it was after the war then we'd have been able to imagine the story turning out differently, the epilogue was a real downer.
Cassandra Elise: h/hr love and desirecassandra_elise on April 15th, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
*guh* Seriously, words escape me. The last paragraph is pure poetry: ... he notices her eyes are brown too, and he understands this time because although he was saving the world while they were teaching grammar at Hogwarts, he's always had an excellent vocabulary for four-lettered words.

Saving to memories. <3
Cassandra Elise: george!cassandra_elise on April 15th, 2011 07:40 pm (UTC)
Just saw your George banner on your userinfo page. Major bonus points to you! :D
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on April 16th, 2011 08:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on April 16th, 2011 08:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Alice: H/Hr - Dance [DH7]cherrysakura5 on April 16th, 2011 05:02 pm (UTC)
This fic is absolutely lovely. My shipper heart skipped beats while reading this. I love it.
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 17th, 2011 09:51 am (UTC)
Thank you so much :) I love the icon; that was one amazing non-canon scene. So much chemistry, and it's pretty obv all HP directors ship H/Hr :D
Lady Starlightladybluestar on April 16th, 2011 11:45 pm (UTC)
This is just tragic with how the true realization comes to late and he can't just allow himself to be... after all, he is Harry Fucking Potter and he doesn't get to choose.
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 17th, 2011 10:32 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I was just trying to keep it could-have-happened in canon, so I had to do the late-realization thing and have him marry Ginny :)
harmony_delusions07aina_hhrdanem on April 17th, 2011 07:22 am (UTC)
That was really beautiful! I love the different style and I don't think I've ever read something like this before. WOW. These two just break my heart!
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 17th, 2011 10:34 am (UTC)
Hahaha, your icon is amazing! This particular style of writing doesn't work well for humor, but in angst it's fine, I guess. I'm really glad you liked it :)
Sunnysunny_serenity on April 27th, 2011 04:21 am (UTC)
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 27th, 2011 05:06 pm (UTC)
THAT MADE ME LOL SO HARD. Thank you :)
Annabelleannastronaut on April 27th, 2011 06:22 am (UTC)
I absolutely adore this! It's awesome!
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on April 27th, 2011 05:07 pm (UTC)
Aww, thanks a lot, I'm glad you liked it!
All the letters I can writewendelah1 on October 22nd, 2011 05:33 pm (UTC)
Here via het_reccers. I loved this. They should have ended up together although I understand the symmetry of the ending the author chose, too. Kind of.
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on October 22nd, 2011 07:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, I wasn't aware it was recced at all! I really do wish they had ended up together, but I always enjoy possibilities, perhaps more than I do canonized versions. Thanks so much!
Barking at the wind: HPotter Hermione hits Harryevil_little_dog on October 24th, 2011 07:08 pm (UTC)
Also here from het_reccers, and I really love this. It's a good, poetic piece (sucker for poetry, here).
youcallitwinter: just to waste my time with you.youcallitwinter on October 24th, 2011 08:24 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm obviously an equal sucker for poetry, haha. Thanks so much! (And your icon is amazing :D)
(no subject) - evil_little_dog on October 25th, 2011 08:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)