title: and the world spins madly on
pairing: damon/elena, stefan/elena. post second season finale
summary: she pretends it never happened and he pretends he doesn't care it did. [damon's pov]
She sits with him all night and they look through books and papers for something, anything.
Sometimes she talks about Stefan. Stupid things, like how he’d text her ghastly poetry when she was sick and rhyme ‘Gilbert’ with ‘silver’ and the time he absolutely refused to let her wear green because her horoscope said it would bring her bad luck.
And seriously? They’ve been through wars and blood and death and everything in between, and that’s what she remembers about him? It’s lame and it’s ridiculous and it’s so fucking—
(He thinks he’d like to love like that. He thinks he’d like to be loved like that.)
The first time it happens, she’s drunk and he looks a little like Stefan.
They don’t talk about it, of course. She avoids him and acts like she isn’t and because this is Elena, it’s nothing if not obvious. She’s always two steps behind or three steps ahead, holding herself out of his gravity.
She pretends like it never happened and he pretends he doesn’t care it did. She takes to wearing these ridiculously huge glasses and ties her hair up and thinks it makes her look unattractive enough for him to not want her.
It doesn’t, but she should definitely get points for trying here.
The guilt never makes it out of her system. He can see it in the arch of her back, the curve of her hand, the bend of her head. Everything she does, everything she doesn’t say.
‘You could compel me,’ she says and doesn’t look at him, 'to forget. I just— please, Damon. Please.'
He should refuse. Tell her that she chose it, tell her that he can't forget and he won't let her either.
Instead he takes off her necklace because he’s pathetic when he’s in love.
The next time it happens, she doesn’t remember the first time it happened.
'It’s never going to happen again,' she tells him.
(It’s always never going to happen again).
They start over and over and over and overandoverandoverandover.
She says Stefan’s name, every single time. Each time she doesn’t remember and all the times he can’t forget.
Maybe someday he'll be able to fill their history with more than just blank pages.