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18 November 2011 @ 12:11 am
fic: forget the silver screen  

forget the silver screen
rating: hard r
pairing: caroline/damon, caroline/her issues
warnings: dub-con, first season
a/n: written for the caroline forbes comment ficathon.
disclaimer: disclaimed.
eenaangel's prompt: I best tidy up my head, I'm the only one in love.

Tonight will be different, she decides.

“Not on the neck”, she’ll tell him when he leans down. Try and keep her sanity a little while longer.

“But that’s my favorite place,” he’ll pout, the corner of his lips turning down in a way that will remind her he’s more boy than man. But he’s more monster than boy. Most times she’s never sure which.

“I know,” she’ll soothe him, the terror making inroads through her veins, mixing with the arousal. The smell of blood always makes her a little wet, or maybe it’s the other way round. Maybe there’s always a copper tang in the air when she’s wet. Most times, she’s never sure which, “but it’s hard to hide. I can’t wear those hideous scarves throughout summer. I have a reputation to keep, you know.”

Sometimes, when she thinks about it, she thinks she’s that high school girl from her books. The one sad enough to be dating the older guy who’s only with her because she’s a good fuck. She is a good fuck. He’s probably had better though. So she’s mostly just a metaphor that gives average blow-jobs.

“So where then?” his eyes will gleam, the monster in him (or maybe it’s the boy in him this time) sated with just the thought of marking another part of her body, claiming another inch of her soul skin. 

She’ll feel a slight pang of something like regret, because she’s never been as beautiful as Elena, and now, she’ll never be as beautiful as Elena. ‘Damaged goods’, her English teacher would say, talking about some story written a long time ago, 'damaged goods, they called her in the streets'. He probably lived in that story, a long time ago. Maybe he still lives in that story somewhere, she thinks occasionally, when she’s completing her English assignments and can afford to be poetic. 

(Katherine, he whispers sometimes, his hair plastered to his face, his cock still inside her, Katherine. She must have been some kind of a goddess in his time, Caroline decides, his reverence mingling with the sweat on her skin. An old goddess, with statues and worshippers to her name. Katherine. It’s a pretty name).

“Here,” she’ll say provocatively, opening herself to him, touching her inner thigh, hoping he doesn’t see her hand shake. “Here,” she’ll say again, make it something it’s not, won’t mention it’s the one place no one has seen, will see. She'll trace the skin with her finger, move a thumb to her clit, act like she knows what she's doing. Like she didn't learn it from a porn movie that Tyler secretly made them all watch in the Lockwood mansion once. She's damned if she'll let anyone else see the scars.

“Well, aren’t you the kinky one.” he’ll smile. Or something. Whatever the upward turn of his lip signifies on his face. She’s never very sure, "you weren't made for this one-horse town, sweet Caroline". Her daddy used to call her that, used to sing that song sometimes. She never wants to be called that again.

He’ll look at her, and she’ll look down, avoid his eyes, keep her thoughts hers for just a little while longer. Don't look too deep into those angel eyes, the record will blast. Don't mistake coincidence for fate, LOST taught her.

“Haven’t I proven it yet?” she’ll fan her hair like that, bite her lip just so. Borrow words from books she’s half read, from movies she’s missed the beginning of, make it sound like they’re hers, “my bad.”

“You want to make it up to me?” he’ll lie back, arms crossed against her headrest; cock straining, eyes hard. He’s achingly beautiful. 

She’ll slither down then, touch her tongue to his cock. Lose her innocence in front of her stuffed toys, her princess desk, her history homework, her childhood blanket, “is this sufficient repentance, Mr. Salvatore.”

His breath will shorten a little, she’ll feel something akin to triumph, something akin to loss (she’s never sure which), “well, if it’s the best you got Miss Forbes...”

She’ll lave him with her tongue, probably get it wrong, probably won’t compare to the women through the years, “you’re a hard task-master.”

He’ll look at her then, smirk, “you ain’t seen nothing, love.”

Don’t say that, she won’t say, don’t fucking say that, you bastard.

She’ll make him come with her tongue and teeth, swallow because she wants to, swallow because he wants her to (sometimes she’s not sure which). The sound at the back of his throat will stay with her all night. I fucking hate you, she won’t say. You’re beautiful when you come, she won’t say. 

He’ll pull her up then, flip her around at a speed her mind won’t register, make her beg, touch her in places she blushed about a year ago. 

“You’re beautiful when you come,” he’ll whisper against her skin. Breathe hard, when he doesn't need to breathe at all.

She’ll turn her head away then; keep her sanity just a little while longer.

(Maybe tomorrow, she’ll run, hide, scream. Tonight, she'll stay. "Not on the neck", she'll tell him).
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 18th, 2011 06:28 pm (UTC)
Of course I want to read it! It might take me a while, because I have some work to do, but I'll make sure to let you know as soon as I finish reading.

DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED, OKAY? Haha, I'm always afraid of that. Of course you should read it when you have the time, and if you don't want to read it at all, that is fine also :D

The show is so awesome in writing female characters (Elena insisting on keeping her agency, Caroline and her general awesomeness), and a good part of fandom can't recognize it, let alone appreciate it. Just... HOW???

THESE ARE THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE. Like, they're none of them perfect representations and they have their ~inducing feminist rage moments too, but most of the time they're so stunningly different from typical teen!Vampire!show heroines and HOW CAN ANYONE COMPLETELY NOT SEE IT? D:

It's totally in character for Damon to say something like that, but I could never understand Elena's behavior in this scene. Especially since it was HER who caused a scene in the beginning of s1 seconds after she noticed bite marks on Caroline's body.

Yeah, if they weren't addressing the issue at all, there was absolutely no need for trivializing it D: And even Elena's first "I'll report it to the sheriff" wasn't really carried forward. I think I and ever_neutral have usually held that this show is NOT good at female friendships. They're very token, as compared to the Epic Bromances. Even after Caroline was tortured, we didn't have any ~friend moments with Bonnie or Elena sitting her down and asking her how she was, or in Daddy Issues when Stefan was the initiator. This season is turning out to be REALLY GOOD in that respect, and I love that!

upupa_epops: [tvd] Caroline Forbesupupa_epops on November 18th, 2011 10:18 pm (UTC)
Don't worry, I don't feel pressured :). And if I ever do, I'll make sure to let you know, I'm not shy that way.

Feminist rage is always there, but there are ten awesome moments for every OMG RAGE moment, so I can enjoy the show and not feel guilty about it.

Even after Caroline was tortured, we didn't have any ~friend moments with Bonnie or Elena sitting her down and asking her how she was, or in Daddy Issues when Stefan was the initiator.

I just pretend that Stefan wasn't there, ok? Because this scene is one of the very few moments in TVD that literary make me cry (even looking at screencaps makes me cry...), and Caroline is so incredible there I don't even know whether I want to hug her, kiss her or worship her. I try to explain that Stefan was the initiator, because he was the one who walked Caroline home, so he was the only one who knew how bad she was. It's a sorry excuse and it doesn't work on a feminist ground at all (if my friend had just been tortured by a pack of werewolves, I'd be calling her every hour to see how she's doing, and then I'd just come over anyway...), but it makes me feel better.

I'm just waiting for all the awesome friendship moments! We totally should get more of those (and it's not only about female friendships, although I agree that there is not enough of those, and therefore they require more work now to make up for the screw-ups). To be honest, I'd be perfectly happy if TVD was a friendship&family-centric show with some love stories in the background. I need more scenes like Liz saving Caroline from the cell, or Elena talking to Jeremy the ways she sometimes did in s1, or the girls interacting, or the brothers being brothers, or... Well, everything like that. I'm a sucker for non-romantic relationships.

Thank you for reading the fic :D.
youcallitwinter: you won't be seventeen foreveryoucallitwinter on November 19th, 2011 01:49 pm (UTC)
Well, that's always good to know :D

Oh, I know, which is why TVD is SO MUCH MORE than just another teen vampire show. I love it when women get the chance to be genuinely awesome, because that so rarely happens :s

I just pretend that Stefan wasn't there, ok? Because this scene is one of the very few moments in TVD that literary make me cry (even looking at screencaps makes me cry...), and Caroline is so incredible there I don't even know whether I want to hug her, kiss her or worship her.

That scene totally made me cry as well /no regrets, it was so incredibly amazing. And Caroline, refusing to break down in front of Stefan ("I'm not girly little Caroline anymore") and then completely breaking down in front of Bonnie and Elena, oh my god. I loved her so insanely much in that scene. And I would never take Stefan out, because THAT was the scene that made me realize just how incredible he actually is. Earlier it used to be All About Damon for me, but with this episode I could see why Elena was with Stefan. How perfect he was to go that extra mile that he absolutely didn't have to. That scene is possibly my favorite out of all TVD scenes actually!

Yeah, it's not so much about female friendships for me as well; I just the girls to have storylines apart from their boyfriends. Caroline's entire arc (except for the one-episode torture thing) was all about Tyler. She barely had any role to play in most episodes, which sucked. And Elena/Jeremy DEFINITELY needs to be explored more, because even Elena's arcs tend to be all about the Salvatores. AND STEFAN/CAROLINE PLZ, what even happened to their epic bff-ness? D: