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13 March 2013 @ 10:05 am
[fic] we still are made of greed.  
so apparently there are talks of a veronica mars movie if they can raise money for it in 30 days? (ETA: LOL, they're going to be able to raise the full amount in a couple of hours-- it's awfully fun to watch the numbers change) which I'm guessing means I should totally watch the show now sometime and I bet it's going to be like the time I watched Buffy a year back and didn't talk about anything else for the next few months. If Life With Derek actually comes back and Girl Meets World takes off and they make a Veronica Mars movie, I think I'll be in a happy fandom place (even though I've never actually seen VM) because it's such an odd, amazing moment when things you've loved obsessively and never thought you'd see again actually come on by for another run.

ETA: So, I came across this:

and, I'm sold. That is so ridiculously adorable and amazing that I'm going to watch this show asap.

Also, as for this, I had to write. Even though it doesn't even contain that huge OFF-SCREEN moment, I still had to write. This is set post 4x08 after Nick gets Cary beaten up. Because lol@basketball injury. I'm still ridiculously happy and excited about this and cannot even wait till monday (even though, knowing TGW, they'll take five episodes to so much as show the next interaction, but I will wait it out.)

we still are made of greed
the good wife | cary; cary/kalinda | pg-13 | mentions of kalinda/nick, alicia/cary friendship
Try as he might, he can never quite recall her expression; then don't be in love with me.

"I don't like you being in my head."

It's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him god.

Alicia's standing beside the stark white sheet when he comes to.

She smiles, worry and concern vying for space on her forehead

"Welcome back, Cary" she says.

He tries to smile back; every part of him aches.

("We couldn't get through to the first number on your speed dial." The nurse tells him, "so we tried the second and Mrs. Florrick came in as soon as she could."

He's been meaning to change that anyway. He keeps forgetting.)

"So," Alicia says carefully, when they're walking out together, "what happened?"

She's careful around him, sometimes, he's noticed. Like she's not quite sure how far their new-found camaraderie extends. She's second on his speed-dial, that has to mean something.

"Basketball injury," his voice sounds rougher with a few hours' disuse.

He doesn't have to think, though. Before lying. Maybe it's an occupational hazard.

Alicia looks over at him, once, getting into the driver's seat, "oh."

He stares straight ahead.

Back in his apartment, he takes out the basketball.

(It's exhausting, he'd once said, he remembers, drunk out of his mind, being in love with you. It's like a second job. With no benefits, no health insurance, no pay packages, no prestige, no power, nothing. It's exhausting.

Try as he might, he can never quite recall her expression; then don't be in love with me.)

He hasn't made a single basket by the time his phone rings.

"Fletcher can't use the papers," she says, without preamble, "the search was illegal. They needed a warrant for it, but they didn't get one till three hours later."

Fruit of the forbidden tree, he thinks.

"Okay," he replies, disconnects first.

The next time he shoots, the basketball hits the rim and bounces back, hitting him on the head. As the throbbing starts again, he laughs.

Irony, he can deal with.

Fruit of the poisonous tree, his textbook says.

("It's the law, not the Bible." his Evidence Law professor had repeatedly told them, "don't mix your metaphors.)

He thought he'd have stopped making that mistake by now.

(She looks at the cut for a long time the next day.

"You're lying," she places the file on his desk, marking the page she wants him to look at.

He shrugs, "why would I lie, Kalinda?"

She doesn't ask for the truth, though.

He can't tell if he would have liked for her to.)

Truth is, he has no idea why he still attends these weekly drinking sessions with the fourth year associates, when he doesn't speak more than five words to any of them through the week.

Or rather, he does know. The same reason the woman in front of him does, even though she has children to go back to, an entire different life somewhere close by.

To belong for a while. If only to oblivion.

("Get out," he'd told her once, in the State's Attorney's office, harsh, cold, unforgiving, "get out and stay out."

You tend to use people's feelings to further your investigations.

"Okay," she'd said, brushing past him in high-heeled boots. She hadn't looked back.

The next day she was on his desk; leaning back, legs crossed, notepad in hand.

He closed the door behind him.)

"Why didn't you tell me," she's standing over his desk this time, mouth set in a thin, unattractive line.

He still wants to kiss her more than he wants anything else.

"Tell you what?" he busies himself with papers, because that way, he doesn't have to look at her. It's easier. Sometimes.

"About Nick," she says, "why didn't you tell me about Nick. About—" she gestures to his forehead, he can feel the cut stinging, even though it's been a very long while and he's probably imagining it more than anything else.

"It wasn't Mr. Savarese." he says. The whole truth. It wasn't Nick.

"You should have told me," she repeats, and for a moment he thinks there's something close to fear in her gaze. Like she's worried. About him.

He has been here four years and he is no longer the same man who used to believe it meant something.

He shrugs, "it wasn't about you."

In his head, Savarese pulls her towards him. She shoves back. Then gives in. He gets up from his seat.

(He'd thought she may have needed him just then. Just maybe then to stave off the advances of an overfamiliar client. Something as usual as that. Maybe she could need him for that.

Everything's fine.

She didn't. Obviously.)

"It wasn't about you," he says again.

("If he's," he'd forced the words out, days later, "bothering you, I want to—"

"What," she says, mocking, "what do you want to, Cary."

Whatever they may teach at Law School, the only real rule of law is this: do not commit anything to paper.

In his mind, he wrote to her once, about her once. He did not write it down.

He has learnt his lesson well.)

She's at his door. It's the first time he can remember.

"He's my husband." she crosses her arms. He can't make out any inflections.

He tries not to stare at the cut on the side of her lip.

"Why tell me now?" he asks.

"Because, now," she looks directly at him, "he's hurt you."

He remembers smiling with her at the copyrighting machine, Savarese's glare cutting through him. Remembers enjoying it.

"I would have liked you to tell me because he's hurt you."

He doesn't mean to say this much. Not always. Not when he knows how this ends.

She glances up at him through hooded eyes, and half-smiles, "maybe I like it that way."

He'd passed her by on the way to Will that first day back in the office. It was at his old desk that he'd made his new resolutions.

This is the truth now: he's moved on

"She said you were a nice guy, you know", Alicia tells him once, leaning in confidentially, bordering on not-quite-drunk.

"Who?" he asks, because it's expected.

"Kalinda," she says, "Kalinda said you're a nice guy."

She looks over at him expectantly. They haven't done this before, but this is as good a time to start as any.

He thinks of her husband, the man pulling her towards him roughly, the bruises on her arm, the much too heavy make-up, it's...complicated, Cary, you won't understand. Nick and Iit's always been like this. Maybe I like it this way. She's knowable, but not to him. He's a nice guy.

His smile is brittle, "really?"

("You think" he'd said once in the beginning, the first time around, "you know me. Know about how much of a rich, entitled asshole I am. A Harvard Law Grad, the highest in the chain of command of being a bastard. But you don't. You don't know everything about me. You don't know anything about me."

Because you and I are from different worlds. And it's not just Mars and Venus. It's spaghetti and hydrogen. We're different categories.

"So," she'd said, softly, slowly, "you weren't pushed out of your house at the age of eighteen and didn't go through undergrad and Harvard Law on student loans you're still paying?"

He'd stopped short, "how did you—"

Maybe she'd seen it in his eyes then, that he was the kind of guy who'd take that sort of thing to mean something.

"It's my job to," she'd said.)

The call from the hospital is short.

"We couldn't reach Mrs. Florrick or the second number," the efficient-sounding voice informs him, "and you were listed as the third emergency contact."

He doesn't wonder who the second number belongs to. It doesn't matter.

She's awake when he gets there, still in his gym clothes.

"Kalinda." he checks for signs of broken bones, anything.

"Nick's gone." she says definitively.

She looks smaller in the hospital gown. She is small, he knows objectively, but Kalinda always looks so much...more.

Gone. He's a lawyer, he knows all the different meanings of the term and how to manipulate them.

He finds out he doesn't particularly care. Gone is good.

He drives her homes afterwards.

She slips her boots off, and props her feet up, staring out the window, her jacket unzipped.

"You trying to be normal?" he asks, taking a sharp turn.

He doesn't know if she remembers.

She doesn't reply, but when he looks over, he catches her gaze in the reflection off the window and yes, yes--

--she remembers.

Why not, he had asked once.

Because, she had replied.

He'd never filled in the spaces.

He drives back faster than necessary, faster than the law allows.

The light stays red for a long time, he taps his fingers against the steering wheel.

The song on the radio reminds him of his father as things very rarely do. The song that comes on after the light turns green reminds him of her as things often do.

Maybe it's not the songs, maybe it's just him.

(What do you want?

Why do you always assume I want something?

He'd laughed.)

When he turns the corner to his apartment, she's leaning against the wood, hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.

He doesn't know how she managed to get from her place to his before he did, but it's Kalinda.

She's at his door, it's only the second time since he can remember.

I don't like you being in my head, he'd said once.

Then get me out, she had replied.

For the record, he'd tried. Every day, he'd tried.

(She's looking at him like she always has, jagged edges and sharp angles. But they're smoother now, with time. With time, and something else. Maybe something else.

And unexpectedly, she smiles. Soft, dangerous, tired, mocking, unknowable; everything he's ever learnt about her in a single upturn of her lips.

"Go ahead," she says, "save me.")
gemma: dw; tardiscranmers on March 13th, 2013 06:07 pm (UTC)
Saving this for later.

Hi though <33333 I miss you and the frequency that you used to dwell here ect. ect.

youcallitwinter: a different side of me.youcallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 06:10 pm (UTC)
I DO TOO. Although I have been around for FMM recently. AND TGW BOUGHT ME BACK HERE.

Also, LOL, I have no idea who's the other person in the gif but it's qt <3
(no subject) - cranmers on March 13th, 2013 06:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - ishi_chan on March 13th, 2013 07:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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Ishi-chanishi_chan on March 13th, 2013 07:02 pm (UTC)
I hate you.

And I'm not even close to finished.
youcallitwinter: repeated image of the lovers destroyedyoucallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 07:08 pm (UTC)
LOL. I've had some ~400 words of this written out since ages; but last week's episode really made me want to finish it.
(no subject) - ishi_chan on March 13th, 2013 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - youcallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 07:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Lexi: Veronica - black and white swirlseilowyn on March 13th, 2013 07:57 pm (UTC)
Yes! Watch Veronica Mars! Fall in love with Logan Echolls! Want Keith Mars for a dad! See New Girl's Schmidt before he was Schmidt!
youcallitwinter: someday this will be a story.youcallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 08:14 pm (UTC)
This is the silliest thing ever but I was also really worried about starting VM because I felt I wouldn't ship Veronica/Logan and then I'd be a fandom outcast. I've heard so much about this ship that my expectations are at olympian levels and I felt like maybe because I've heard so much before, I just won't ship it and that makes me ~anxious. I'm weird.

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Ishi-chanishi_chan on March 13th, 2013 08:46 pm (UTC)
I just noticed you have never seen VMars DDDDDDD: WATCH IT. The first season especially is one of the best things I've ever watched. I am so sad that the rewards are limited to the US, because I kind of want to be part of this ;_;

(But LOL they met half their goal within the first 4 hours and the whole thing will go on for another 30 days XD)
youcallitwinter: hell yeah.youcallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 09:42 pm (UTC)
OKAY, I AM SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW. Although I can't seem to find dld-links that aren't huge. :( I don't remember VM ever airing here, oddly enough.

ALSO, they've restricted their donation base to the United States and they've still hit 1,472,151 (which means a second later, it shall be more and they're going to complete the whole thing in less than a day haha) in a couple of hours. Okay, that? Is awesome.
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Noelle: Veronica Mars - LoVe rainbowspuffy_noelle on March 13th, 2013 09:10 pm (UTC)

I only watched VM last year and I LOVED IT. I had heard all the hype about Logan/Veronica and I have to say I think they live up to it. I LOVE THEM and I cannot wait for this movie because it's totally happening!!!!
youcallitwinter: btvs - spike - rockstaryoucallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 09:51 pm (UTC)
The idea that they might actually LIVE UP TO THE HYPE (which I hadn't even considered till you mentioned it right now) is making me AKKFNJENSDFM.

Also, the movie is SO TOTALLY happening, considering they've already reached some ~1.5 million IN A COUPLE OF HOURS. Which is insane and amazing and I'M SO IMPRESSED RIGHT NOW.
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bookishy: Seahorsebookishy on March 13th, 2013 09:21 pm (UTC)
I have spent all day just sort of obsessively refreshing the Kickstarter page with a face that looked like O_O and a soul that looked like !!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!. I would be surprised if it you didn't love it just a little bit. I feel like the humor is often like Buffy's more sarcastic sister.

COME TO THIS DARK SIDE. I donated something right away just on sheer enthusiasm and was then like, wait. Maybe I should check this out ...
youcallitwinter: btvs - b/d - sistersyoucallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 09:57 pm (UTC)
I know, I have so much second-hand excitement right now, it's not even funny lol. Like I'm getting all !!!!!!!! over the Kickstarter page and I've never so much as SEEN the show. This is exactly how I started watching Boy Meets World, because fandom went crazy about the possibility of Girl Meets World and I was all "hmm, let's see what the excitement's about."

They have really cute stuff for the donators as well and the biggest categories are all already gone, like $10,000 etc., which IS totally O____O But I suppose the idea of being a waiter in the VM movie must be really, really great. Like, I'm analogously trying to compare it to what I'd feel if it were BtVS, lol, and I TOTALLY GET IT.
Lizzie: sansa stark|steelxx_pinkstar on March 13th, 2013 10:09 pm (UTC)
Ugh gawd I've been meaning to watch Veronica Mars for about the last two years of my life, I really need to get on that.
youcallitwinter: keep the streets empty for meyoucallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 10:15 pm (UTC)
You and I should totally watch it ~together and then spam everyone with outdated thoughts and 'I BET NO ONE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE WE CAME INTO FANDOM'.
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youcallitwinter: our time is nowyoucallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 11:04 pm (UTC)
Alexia Lisa Drake: Veronica Mars - LoVealexia_drake on March 13th, 2013 11:06 pm (UTC)
OMFG a Veronica Mars Movie ?!?!?

I have to go jump in happyness or something... *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

And I think I'll re-watch this show. lol I loved Veronica/Logan so, sooo much :D
youcallitwinter: all we know is distanceyoucallitwinter on March 13th, 2013 11:10 pm (UTC)
They've raised that money they were supposed to raise in thirty days in a couple of hours. Almost. Like, wow, the Veronica Mars fandom needs a standing ovation right now!

I am dying to see it now that everyone is so excited! I want a part in the excitement :D And maybe it will revive fandom, so it'll be like being in it as it's actually going on!
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semi-titled: veronica mars is unconvincedpocochina on March 14th, 2013 05:28 am (UTC)
oooooh, I'm sure everyone else has sold you on Veronica Mars by now, but in case you're on the fence, I really think you'd enjoy it. It's a great show for letting its characters be flawed, without trying to reduce them to their flaws in order to be dark!and!edgy! The first season is one of the strongest seasons of television I've ever watched. I'd almost refrain from telling you what you've already heard about Veronica being a great protagonist, but I don't think you can oversell her, so. She's phenomenal.
youcallitwinter: the way that I want youyoucallitwinter on March 14th, 2013 07:16 am (UTC)
THEY HAVE, THEY REALLY HAVE! Also, I think that's a really good point; I don't like characters being reduced to their flaws and everyone being unapologetically awful all the time. It's interesting, but then I always find it hard to particularly relate or care, so that is good to know!

(Now I'm really excited for the show!)
Catesmells_corrupt on March 14th, 2013 07:20 am (UTC)
I don't watch The Good Wife (although it is on my never ending list), but it is my fandom mission in life to convince as many people to watch Veronica Mars as possible, so. WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT, YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED I SWEAR. It is a fantastic show, and now there's almost certainly going to be a movie, so there might actually be REAL CLOSURE. Eve though they did a great job with the short cancellation notice, and the series finale is a thing of beauty (really painful beauty, oh my GOD). Ok, explosion over. BUT WATCH IT, I'M NOT KIDDING.
youcallitwinter: hell yeah.youcallitwinter on March 14th, 2013 07:33 am (UTC)
The Good Wife is stunning, truly! So if you ever have the time, you should check it out! :D ALSO, I am seriously starting to get that Buffy feeling with how hard everyone is stanning the show; like, when I first was all "hmm, so should I watch BtVS, it's SEVEN seasons omg" and everyone was all O_____________O WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. It's the best fandom feeling ever tbqh :D
Ishi-chanishi_chan on March 14th, 2013 12:02 pm (UTC)
because I just came across this: http://www.thewb.com/shows/veronica-mars

now, it only works from inside the us, but you can try accessing it via http://www.uswebproxy.com

Not sure if it works though :D
youcallitwinter: bad moon risingyoucallitwinter on March 14th, 2013 03:21 pm (UTC)
Oh man, the US webproxy thing is amazing! I never knew of it at all and so helpful :D The site did open, but it's selling in BluRay so :s Thanks so much though!! <3
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